There is no specific "how to's" or a manual book on how to become a good mother out there.
Of course there isn't!
It all depends on where you live, how you live, family situations, religious and or cultural differences...many aspects can change on how and why and when to be a good mother to your child/children.
All I can say is that if you want to be a good mother to your child or children...
It's all about having an eye, mind and spirit to be an OBSERVER.
Watch all the mothers out there, especially your own.
Reflect your past. Your childhood.
Watch, listen, reflect and observe ALL that is good and ALL that is bad about what you've experienced and what you see out there.
What were the things your mother did to you that you appreciated?
What were the things that you felt were lacking from your mother that you wished you had?
What kind of gestures do you see out there from other mothers that you wholeheartedly would love having it done to you if you were a child?
What kind of gestures do you see out there from other mothers that makes you frown, question and dislike having it done to you if you were a child?
I, for one, have 2 most amazing mothers in this world.
One is my own biological mother who is japanese and have raised us 3 kids all while struggling in her marriage.
And the other, my mother-in-law who is french-canadian and who have raised her only son pretty much all by herself.
Growing up in a japanese based household in a foreign country was ...interesting, to say the least. There were many different "ways" to approach just about every little things growing up; the japanese way and the canadian way. These differences were, to me, very interesting and I grew to be more curious about the whoile thing. Not having it in one culture, I found it in the other...and not one was better than the other, they just both complimented one another. And after having children of my own, I have since applied the ones that I thought was amazing on becoming a good mother and yet, I still have SO much to learn.
Here are some things, after my observation, that I have applied in my daily motherhoodness (puwaha! made up my own word)
SKINSHIP
Here, in Canada, parents touch, kiss, hug, rub heads, hold hands, tickle, squeeze, touch, touch and touch their child SO MUCH!!! And I love that!!!!! Sharing body warmth from a mother to a child is the most comforting, most loving gesture that provides security and reassurance that can beat any anti-depressive medication! In the japanese culture, it is done but moderation... they go as far as hold hands, rub heads, tickle every now and then...meh, pretty much it. Kiss? No way hosay! Hug? Nope! A lot of parents in this generation have since changed a lot and have been applying a lot of skinship...but still not as much as the north american culture.
Now, I start the day with a hug and a kiss from my kids and end the day with just as much if it, if not more! And lots of it in extreme measure in between! lol Until they tell me, "k, enough mom" I will continue to do so (and perhaps will not listen to that comment).
COMMUNICATION
Watching my husband talk his ears out to his mother and vise versa is something I have always admired since I have been with him, .....to this day, .....and I will continue to forever admire. Communication, for us, in our household was...just random talk of the day that never reflected any issues. Random facts. Releasing our toughts, feelings and emotions, expressing them, discussing, debating, confronting...never existed so I only learned how to do so with my husband. When things went bad in highschool, we've all just locked ourselves in our rooms until we've calmed down.
Learning how to express came in stages for me.
My husband taught me first how to do so by giving me a notebook and a pen. We then sat down face to face and started sentence by sentence; paragraph by paragraph; pages by pages talking things out with tears, frustration and annoyance. I then learned to express in my own words but had lead us to argue.... a lot. I got carried away and started expressing harshly...expressed a little too much! Learned to step back and think before talking. And now, I can say that I have learned to express my thoughts and feelings in a more mature way.
To the kids, it's something I can now teach what I have learned and listen to them, talk to them and resolve any issues they may have, together as a family.
My mother-in-law have raised her son, my husband, to never go to bed angry since he was little. She always, no matter how late, talked things out and had him let it all out so he can sleep in a calmer state. I had to apply this method to my children! How amazing is that! So simple to do and so brilliant.
Communication is so essential in becoming a good mother, a good person in general!
BE A KID!
I see, to this day, many parents in the park sitting or chit chatting with other parents while their children run around and play.
Okey, there is nothing wrong with that...however, growing up I yearned for my mother to play with me in the park. And when she did, I loved it! There's nothing more fun and exciting than laughing out loud with your parents.
You see, I look at it this way...
Those who pay a fortune to join the gym to stay in shape....can easily save that money and just run around with the kids!
In summer, go climb that jungle gym! Race to the top! Roll down the grassy hill! Climb a tree! Dig your hands in the sand! Play soccer, baseball, tag, volleyball...whatever the kids are into! Sweat with them! :)
And in winter, go sliding! Make an igloo! Make a snowman! On your hands and knees! Roll in the snow! Go skating, skiing, snowshoeing, snowboarding, cross country skiing...whatever the kids are into! Sweat with them!
That's my work out :)
I dislike going to the gym anyways, so works out for me. I sweat like a pig, AND the kids are super happy! Hit 2 birds with one stone :) Talk about saving money AND time management :)
GOOD MANNER
Teaching children good manners is essential in the long run especially for their future. Learning good manners at a young age will soon become their habit and will come naturally once they become an adult.
Both myself and my husband were taught to have good manners from our mothers ever since we were little. Japanese culture or north american culture, good common sense is of the same value. To add to that, there are many other good gestures and behaviours that are different because of the differences in cultures. Applying all of it to my children is what we are doing as good parents. It's an investment of our time to raise them into good respectable adults.
♥♥♥
I have named the most essential ones that immediately comes to mind but there are many more and there will always be more that I will soon learn and apply as I go as a mother. Every stage of their childhood brings in more challenges and I will do my very best to listen, observe and apply what I think is essential and what will help them in becoming a good person.
I think, to me, that is how to be a good mother...always listen to the kids and have the open mindedness to learn and to grow.
My rule is : "1 strict = 2 compliments"
If I give one strict order to my kids, I will then give 2 compliments on their behaviour, attitude, gesture etc. to balance out their chi.
And my other rule is : "3 chances and then you're out!"
Everybody deserves 3 chances in life.
I give out one direction, and if no response, I give out one order, and if no response, I give out one warning, and if still no response...
well then, "you've asked for it!" there is a consequence to that!
We used to have a "sitting corner" where they sit and reflect on what they did wrong lol :)
And they were taught to apologize :) (that's a part of good manners!)
Anyhow, all in all, enjoy the process.
Like I said, things that may work for one family may not necessarily work on another.
Listen, observe, reflect and apply!
You will find what works for you and your children. As long it is all in the best interest of the whole family :) What makes you feel good in your heart as a mother will be good for your child :)
Good luck :)
xo
